One for the road...

beautifully blunt...

well this really made me laugh: aussie comedien Tom Gleeson disects James Blunt's hit song beautiful

hope you enjoy it too!

who said romance is dead...

"Starwars episode III: the backstroke of the west..." huh?!?

If you think starwars script sounds a mouthful in English you should check out this link which is screenshots showing the subtitles to the chinese version of the film where they have directly translated the subtitles back into English...

Sometimes it really is far far away!

cash and marriage go together like...

My friend just mailed me the above with the caption

"After 5 years of heated debate, the Commission on Human Rights approved the new International Symbol of Marriage" 

He thought I might like to use it in advertising the marriage course we're gonna be hosting at our place again in September [heh if you're married feel free to sign up and show up its awesome!]...

Here's my very witty reply to his email [he's comin on the course]...

Awesome marriage course example – I couldn’t think of a better visual illustration of Eph 5:25 top husband work already, clearly you are already digging on that whole mutual submission vibe   

Stop makin the rest of us look bad!!!!!

Either that or it should read –

Brutal Credit Card Slaying: Husband impaled!

Or of course it could be me explaining the credit card bill to Debs...

You'd never think that this was my 3rd marriage course comin up in 18 months [same wife each time too]... ok the one in Sept and the one back in Jan we were hosting but heh ho...

spam for the spammers

You know those annoying Nigerian scam emails - the ones which tell you about some dead person who's cash you can get hold of but oh look they need some cash up front for expenses...?

Well I came across a site yesterday where the person takes them on at their own game, emails back and engages them for as long as possible in increasing comic email banter... check it out by clicking here

Let's hear it for men...

Men Are Just Happier People…

Our last name stays put. The garage is all ours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

We can be Prime Minister. We can never be pregnant. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. We can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell us the truth.

The world is our urinal. We never have to drive to find another service station toilet because this one is just too icky. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £1000; DJ rental £100. People never stare at our chests when we're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. We know stuff about tanks. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. We can open all our own jars. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.

Our underwear is £10 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. We almost never have strap problems in public. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.

Everything on our face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. We only have to shave our face and neck.

We can play with toys all our life.  Our belly usually hides our big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons. We can wear shorts no matter how our legs look.

We can "do" our nails with a pen knife. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder we’re happier…

Groaningly good!

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

    Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

    Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

     They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

     You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

     Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

      Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

     A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

      Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

     Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

       Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

       Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

        Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

       A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

        Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

       Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

      Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

       Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

       Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?

      The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

       Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

       A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!

       A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

       Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Tragedy

Heck of a waste for so many people! How could this be allowed to happen? The picture may be a bit unsettling for some, so DO NOT view if you can't stomach a horrific accident scene. I think there are a few survivors in the foreground (among the many lost). Its enough to make you cry.

Click on photo to see this tragedy...

Happening in an office near you...

  TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who  was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on.
(This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)

MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

XEROX SUBSIDY - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic  device to get  it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes.

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

WOOFies - Well Off Older Folk.

CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing through a CUBE FARM, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING