Thinking the best of each other?

As I read this post from emerging grace it made me think of how the people who knew the story didn't have to say anything at all, they gave the barest of details and left it for people to reach their own conclusions - should I have been surprised that people's mind's jumped to the worst/most scandelous thoughts?

Not really, I did exactly the same yesterday when two of the dad's in my son's school class had to go in to see the teacher after school the speculation was about what trouble their boy's could have got up too. It was only later that I thought that it could have been about anything so why did I jump to the conclusion they were in trouble rather than had been hurt?

I think it is even easier in the world of blogs to find my mind thinking the worst of people not the best. Easier because it is a personality driven medium and often what is written is a one sided story, where the other person or situation is unknown/unlikely to respond.

I feel challenged in my writing to try and practice the words of St Paul:

"filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse..."

Trying to think and find the best in others is, I am convinced, a spiritual discipline to be for the other rather than for me. I have found when i prayer for people, go out of my way to call out the positives i see rather than the negatives i suspect etc then it makes it a lot easier to think the best not the worst of them. This of course requires effort and energy and I suspect the Holy Spirit as well as it does not come naturally to me.

However, I realise that the more I see the worst in others the more blind i become to my own faults. Which is maybe why Jesus spoke of a log growing in my eye as i see the speck in my friend's.

Anyone got any helpful experience/advice to share about how you think the best of people in the real and virtual worlds?

Comments

[John Santic]

Paul,

this is an important post considering the some of the theological posturing and calling out in the blog world the last week. One thing that I long to do better is to see the image of christ in others. Perhaps this will help mold our eyes appropriately. What if when we looked at others we payed attention to Christ in them?

It is easier to see the worst on others because it makes us feel superior...but this is not the heart worships God.

great post, I am really appreciating your writing.

[Laura Anne]

This is a really good post. I guess I agree with what John says above.

I've often really struggled with this mainly I guess because I've always felt like I'm not 'Christian' enough - particularly while I was part of the Christian Union at university. It was so easy to then jump on people's bad points and weaknesses - particularly if they'd me or any of my friends feel inferior.

It sounds so cliché and trite, but to get over this I've like had to actively pray to God to help me not to focus on the bad points, to forgive me for my unhumility, to help me forgive others where I've been hurt, and to also actively make an effort encourage people in their strengths - it's like a choice you make every time you really want to think the worst of someone or point out their bad points??

Does that make any sense?

[grace]

Paul,
Whether on blogs or in real life, for me it is important to step back when I find myself wanting to respond negatively to someone. At that point it is important to ask myself why. If I truly recognize them as a brother, I should not want to hurt them. What is going on in me that produces this response? Usually dealing with my own stuff keeps me too busy to go after someone else.

[Paul]

Thanks John. I think we can point out posturing but to question motives is always emotive. I think personally better to ignore it or at least to put a +ive case where i can - altho usually that is after discarding the negative response which would contribute to the problem. I guess i am learning that blogs are just not very good with engaging with the persons behind the personalities and in doing so stifle good helpful conversation...

[Paul]

Thanks Laura Anne - yes that makes perfect sense. I think our motives can often be good, like protecting ourselves or our friends but when we fight back using the same sorts of weapons what actually is the difference between us and the people who have offended us?

That's what i keep forgetting, i end up being blind to that or just convince myself that it is fair, redressing the balance, or will be helpful to the other person to point out their fault - or i'm just so annoyed i do it anyway out of my anger.

What breaks the cycle and enables reconciliation rather than revenge? Maybe that's why it requires so much effort/prayer etc to slow us down?

[Paul]

Thanks grace, that is great advice, stepping back is, well, such a good step :)