praying and learning to pray again: how do you pray synchoblog

Dear God, please make my post interesting.  yeah yeah yeah.  I mean Amen.

This is my response to the Q posed by  Erin Word, Cindy Bryan and Lyn: “How Do You Pray?”

My first response to the Q 'how do you pray' is 'not enough.'  Why am I wired like that, why is it if if any question about spiritual disciplines is asked most christians I know (which would be from a protestant evangelical background) seem to answer the same.  We all hang our heads, stare at the floor and confess our inadequacies in praying or whatever.  It's as if collectively we recognise that prayer is good, it has benefits but that as individuals we're not just very good at it.  Often we can resolve to pray more but then go our individual ways - prayer we seem to collectively say is afterall seems to be mostly a private matter between God and I.

So how do I pray... or how i was i taught to pray:

Me magic formula... (success sometimes guaranteed :)

It's funny how I often pray with that formula...

'Dear'... it makes me feel like i'm writing God a letter, but somehow that sort of formal start seems better to me than "Hi God" or just  "God."  Sometimes i start with something else like 'thank you' but most of the time the formula sounds best to me with 'dear.'

'God'...  another thing I note is that I often address God as God - although I'm quite passionate in my trinitarian belief I find God such an inviting cover all the bases catch all.  No gender issues, no parenting issues, no relational issues - it's almost like God is a blank canvas that I can project onto - safe, nebulous, distant and personable all at the same time.

'Please'... it is God after all and I am polite enough not to demand, word the request carefully.  Please after all is the magic word.

'I/me/my'... the heart of many of my prayer is ME.  God can you give me xyz.  God can you do xyz for me.   Sometimes (often) it is me just asking God to baptise who I am/what I want.  In fact i think since i pray more than I think, often situationally (God help!) rather than sitting down (in a quiet time sense) then it makes sense that my prayers are often requests to get me out or change the situation I am in some way. 

Which thinking about it is not such a bad thing, admitting that things in my life are more than I can deal with and that I need help is often the honest response (when in a hole stop digging and start praying???)

And God being good I'm pretty sure he intervenes often in the situations I'm in.

'Amen'... Well who likes long goodbyes anyway?

Some other ways I'm discovering...

praying for others... one of the questions I am learning to ask people is what can I pray for you?  I might have my own ideas but asking people and letting them respond however they want is liberating.  Remembering to pray for them is another challenge - often I pray right there and then.  Nothing worse than someone saying "thank you so much for praying for me" a few days/weeks/months later and me going "oh yes of course" (if God is outside time do retrospective prayers count???).

Sometimes I don't even ask, sometimes the response to some of the crap stuff is just to pray, to wrestle with God, to ask questions and for his involvement, comfort, help for people who are suffering, hurting, needing, groaning...

As part of praying for others i am learning to wonder if i can also somehow be the answer to prayer - what else can i do here? How else can I give of myself? 

And on the flip side can I ask people to pray for me as well.  Can I be honest and open and realise that opening my life up for people to pray for me helps me be part of a community where the answer to prayer can be the kindness, encouragement and sticking with me in tough times and celebrating with me in good times...

praying using the prayers of others... I've written about how I have found the 'Divine Hours' helpful in both having a prayer rhythm and in inspiring my own prayers.  After all the formula approach above was how I learnt to pray and how i have most often seen prayer modelled.  Learning to pray the prayers of the bible and by the saints across time/traditions helps me learns different ways.  It also helps me take the focus off 'me' when I pray and remember the wider world in which i live (i mentioned in the same post how i've found praying the 'our' in the Lords prayer particularly helpful in this respect).

I've also be inspired by this Jason Clark talk to pray using the letters ACTS [for Adoration, Confession, Thanks-giving and Supplication]. It's been helpful in putting what I want at the end of my prayers and for learning to praise and thank God as well as reflect on my own character, what God is doing in my life and where he might want to be doing stuff.

praying with others... I don't do this very often but when i do i find it really inspiring - it's communal and others prayers can infect my imagination and my responses.  I've been especially excited with learning from how others pray and from interactive prayer - prayer whethere there are things focus and inspire me and the people praying together.

I find it the hardest to pray with just my wife - it's like i know so much about her and long for so much for her that it makes it really hard to know what to say and how to say it.  I'm not talking about those occasional prayers that i'm tempted to pray: "dear god, please can you change Debs to make my life easier. Amen."   It's almost the prayers that are about the deepest things where we live in and with the struggle of the reality - there is no escape.  In fact i often wonder in those times of prayer that it is not whether they are answered how we want but in the way that we are committed together, surviving together...

praying God's way...?

i'm beginning to find prayer is sometimes conversation, sometimes request, sometimes questioning, sometimes sulking, sometimes begging and sometimes i come to the point of stopping praying my way for my things and instead trying to pray for God's will to be done rather than mine.   In fact the more i do of the above exploring and the less I do of praying just for me the more convinced that I am praying in God's ways.

I'm encouraged by something Dallas Willard said, that God wants us to be able to ask for anything that we want because we'll have grown up in God enough to chose/discern what God wants.

I'm also learning to pray to God by name - Jesus is pretty easy, holy spirit seems a bit stranger (given that where i learnt to pray we didn't really give him a lot of time) but the one that weirds me out the most is Father.  I can pray Father i guess cos that is formal and not any layer of emotion but if I want to pray as 'Dad', Daddy - that feels very strange indeed.  Clearly a lot of father/son issues to work through :)

So that's me, how about you - how do you pray? and how are you learning to pray?

(click below for my fellow snychrobloggers)

Those participating in the synchroblog today are:

Cindy Bryan *
Lyn Hallewell
Erin Word *
Rick Meigs *
Alan Knox *
Julie Clawson *
Heather *
Lydia *
Kathryn
Che Vachon *
Joy
John Smulo
Mary
Paul Mayers
Sonja Andrews
Michael Holcomb
Cynthia Clack
Jon Peres *
Paul Walker *
Susan Barnes *
Rachel Warwick
Patti Blount
Brother Maynard
Glenn Hager
Nate Peres *
Andy
Emerging Grace *
Lew A *
Jonathan Hallewell *
Barry *
Rhonda
Jim *
Deb *

Comments

[cindy]

Paul we have which post is which all straightened out now! This one is great too. Thanks so much!

[fernando]

For a few years now I've trying to grow in prayer through reading the prayers of others and drawing on liturgy. I came to faith in the kind of evangelical Baptist context that put a big emphasis on extempore and ACTS-style prayer so putting words together in that way never felt like a struggle.

The problem really came down to my (lack of) theological imagination.

In prayer I realise how dull and narrow my life's focus can become, a bit like the bore who can only talk about the their work, or heir kids. That's why I go to the words of others so often now, it is like a conversation starter...

[Lyn]

I love the image at the top Paul - where did you find that one?

Thanks for sharing, great thoughts.

"i'm beginning to find prayer is sometimes conversation, sometimes request, sometimes questioning, sometimes sulking, sometimes begging and sometimes i come to the point of stopping praying my way for my things and instead trying to pray for God's will to be done rather than mine. In fact the more i do of the above exploring and the less I do of praying just for me the more convinced that I am praying in God's ways."

Great point.

[sonja]

I loved the "sometimes sulking" bit ... there's a good deal of sulking in my prayers (if I'm honest) and perhaps whining too. I think I often approach God in the position of a 4 year old. I have more mature things to sulk and whine about ... but still the fact remains.

[Erin]

Sorry about the incorrect link. My bad. It was the last line of the other post where you asked "How do you pray" that threw me.

Anyhow, I think what I'm taking away here is the importance of stepping outside our prayer box and trying new ways. It's so easy to find something that works and stick with it, but I think God likes diversity. Otherwise Him listening to all our prayers would be a bit boring.

[Patti Blount]

Hi Paul-When you mentioned how hard it was praying for your wife or with her, I was thinking that maybe that's how alot of husbands feel. The depth is so great, words are so limitless. I believe God reads the prayers of our spirits. You bringing this up helped me know my husband feels the same way possibly, and it comforts me to know God is receiving his inmost prayers on my behalf, and will respond to them. The same, I believe, is true for your spirit prayers for your wife.

[Paul]

Thanks Cindy, much appreciated. My fault for being too in tune with the whole let's talk about prayer thang :)

[Paul]

Thanks Fernando, i agree, i often find myself covering the same old ground in the same old words - my imagination needs a jump start and my perspectives need fresh points of view, the words of others are so often a powerful way of doing both, and a reminder of connection with the saints across time and traditions.

Are there any particular resources you use that you would recommend?

[Paul]

Thanks Lyn, image from hours of seaching flickr.com, it's my weakness that my quest for images often takes longer than writing the post :)

[Paul]

Thanks Erin, no worries. Thanks esp to you, cindy and Lyn for organising, your hard work in keeping track of all us is much appreciated!

Poor God, he must have to listen to an aweful lot of boring prayers or maybe to him they are as delightful as the gurgles my 18month yr old makes, trying to make contact in the best way we can? So perhaps variety keeps me from getting bored talking to God not God listening to me :)

[Paul]

thanks sonja, i like to think that when Jesus was talking about us being like little children he knew it was cos sometimes we'd sulk and that is ok :) I know sometimes i deliberately don't pray cos i'm sulking at God, with a you know i could give you this time God but i'm not so there... which i guess is still actually praying to him, lol...

[Paul]

thanks Patti - i think its doubly hard as I want to help my wife, i want to be the one who fixes her and it can feel real powerless to be in a position where i know i can't and that we need God's help. It makes me realise how inadequate my prayers are but i'm glad God hears my stumblings :)

[Cynthia]

"i'm beginning to find prayer is sometimes conversation, sometimes request, sometimes questioning, sometimes sulking, sometimes begging and sometimes i come to the point of stopping praying my way for my things and instead trying to pray for God's will to be done rather than mine. In fact the more i do of the above exploring and the less I do of praying just for me the more convinced that I am praying in God's ways."

Paul,
Yes, I am finding that prayer is all those things as well ... and I am loving being real and authentic with God for the first time. I quite get the picture that He is loving my uninhibited gushings as well.

[Julie Clawson]

I love your deconstruction of the prayer formula... it is so often true and so often done on default mode.

[Paul]

thanks julie, it was a fun deconstruct. It is surprisingly easy to get into a rut, as you say, which is why some variety makes prayer more engaging and meaningful for me.