How do you divide those chores?

Maybe it is my experiene but some chores such as taking the trash out and cutting the grass seem to fall to only to me - is their a gender bias at work? or is it cos my sweet wife does everything else that it is the least i can do [and i'm very good at doing the least!].

I feel particulaly manly having done two more tasks this weekend:

1. knocking down the wall between the toilet and the bathroom
2. bonfire of all the wood i hacked down from the garden since last autum

Now to stop this just being about me and my lack of muscle tone let me ask you a question (assuming you don't hire in your help):

• do you think/know/practice some chores that are regulary male or female only?
• if so what are they?
• how did you end up deciding on that division of labour?

In the meantime i'm off to have a long hot soak in the tub...

 

Comments

[grace]

While my husband and I are fairly progressive in our thinking about gender roles in marriage, we are embarassingly stereotypical in our division of household chores.

I basically do most of the indoor house stuff and he does the outdoor things and anything related to cars.

I think some things happen naturally based on preferences and talents. In our family, I do the bills and paperwork because I am an accountant. My husband does the yardwork because he is a farmer, and I kill growing things.

I think other things just develop out of habit. For example, I am the only person in my family who will change the toilet paper roll. I know my husband and kids are capable, but I think over time everyone just assumed the toilet paper fairy (me) would do it.

However, I have never put on the little annual sticker that goes on our vehicle license plates. I'm guess since I have a college degree that maybe I could do it, but since it's a car thing, I just never have.

I don't think there can be a hard and fast rule about who does what, but rather that it should always be open for negotiation or re-negotiation.

[Makeesha]

stereotypically:

men - anything to do with construction or demolition, vehicle care, electrical stuff, heavy lifting, plumbing, mowing the lawn, chopping wood, raking leaves, taking out the trash

women - cleaning, ironing, laundry, children care, cooking unless it's on the grill, dishes, making appointments, organizing, hostessing, gardening, mending, errands, grocery shopping

obviously there are others for both but that's essentially my immediate word association responses whether I'm happy about it or not ;)

Speaking VERY broadly, I suspect that since women have the babies, the tasks that women ended up taking on were those things that they could do while simultaneously caring for the children...so anything in the home primarily. And I'm sure there are some practical aspects to men doing heavy labor, mostly that men tend to be stronger. Also, in my experiences with men, women tend to be better (generally speaking) at things that require detailed attention.

However, there are quite a few cross overs in our marriage and most "manly things" we hire out for because neither one of us is very handy and neither of us knows squat about cars.

We live in an apartment so yard work is not an issue and when it comes to anything "heavy" I'm pretty much equal to the task.

[sonja]

That's funny ... garbage/trash is a guy thing at our house. But everything else is up for grabs.

Ross and I both do equal parts of laundry, housework, yardwork, cooking, etc. He does take on the vehicle care because he enjoys that. I'm training our children to do everything, so that they can. When it comes to fixing things around the house, I'm probably more adept ... except with plumbing, then we both have thumbs.

We try to divide things according to our own strengths and weaknesses and not according to societies artificial divisions. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

[Marc]

chores, trash and tub!...Sir have you become dare I say it...'americanised' over night?

[lyn]

Why is it only women have responded so far?!? We pretty much muck in and do whatever, although I do most of the vacuuming, laundry , cleaning etc, Jonathan does help as and when. The only thing he won't do is clean the toilet! LOL! The only thing I won't do is heavy lifting as I have an old neck injury.

Hope you had a nice soak after a hard days work!

[Paul]

Thanks Grace - always good to see another accountant in domestic action :) personally i do the cash but only cos i'd spend it all otherwise if i didn't submit myself to some budgetish discipline - hmmm maybe i should stop calling it a fudgit :)

[Paul]

thanks Mak - it is one of the tensions in our relationship that debs feels she ought to look after the house as well as the kids, which can be a double strain giving the children are more than full time work...

we like hiring in help for the car too, unless debs dad can fix it, he's very handy and free :)

[Paul]

thanks sonja - i'd train those kids to be plumbers, then you and Ross can retire and take commission from them :)

[Paul]

lol, marc, i am half american :)

[Paul]

thanks lyn, yes where are those guys, marc accepted ;)

[Greg Laughery]

No clear division of labor for us, except in areas where one person has a greater knowledge of a task and the other willingly defers. Most of the time it is pretty much a fine mixture of just about everything involved in sharing life together.

[Debbie]

I think it was the dawn of children that sent us spinning into this stereotypical divide. I remember (long ago!) there used to be a much more equal division - for example grass was my responsibility as you insisted we didn't need any & wanted to patio the whole garden! sad old story that becoming a sahm makes you into chief household task person too so you tend to do the ones that have specific times or aren't impactful on everyday life in the house so driving me nuts!
maybe one day when life returns to normal, the balance may be restored...
oh, and the budget is just cos i used to do it & couldn't keep you under control so now i just don't think about how much you squander & let you take care of it - less arguments that way!! x

[Paul]

Thanks Greg

[Paul]

thanks babe, i'd forgotten that you were the grass cutter - hmmm if i had my way i'd buy a goat :)

[Rupert Ward]

Interesting comments ... i like grace's comments about how we fall into the different tasks. We had such expectations of how it would work before we got married, but as with others you do just fall into things to some extent.

We are fairly stereotypical in some respects (my wife does the cleaning and most of the childcare) but I do most of the cooking, I have wednesday at at home with the kids while my wife is at work, and she pays all the bills (admin is NOT my strongest point).

But i do all things car related ... so I still feel like a proper man!