Fearful...

So got back on Tuesday from a week in mostly sunny Mallorca.  It was a break designed to boost Debs exposure to sun in order to help us face the Autumn/Winter and  help reduce the downsides of SAD that she suffers from.  The transition to Autumn feels like one of impending storm coming (I think of Gandalf watching the dark clouds flowing from Mordor to Minas Tirith in the film) and I find it hard not to be fearful imagining all the bad things that may lie ahead.

As well as benfiting from the sun myself I managed to get attacked by a jellyfish or maybe I attacked it as I swam.  So a week later I have a very itchy burn like rash on my arm.  It was lovely swimming in the clear warm water of the  Med but being stung out in deep water was not a fun experience and it was real fight for self control to stop panicing and keep swimming.  After that it was also a real psychological battle to get back into the water again and I forced myself too (despite the "just when you thought it was safe to get back into the water" Jaws tagline playing through my head).  So I was too afraid to go out as far as I had gone before and could feel myself tense as I swam out and in.

I returned to work on Wednesday, straight into a course with exam at the end on International Financial Reporting Standards.  The passmark for the exam is 70% so I have been fretting away about not passing it.  Not that there is any meaningful  consequence in not passing other than damaged pride and that fear of other people doing better than me.  More fear just bubbling away, which made me study so had a healthy side but not sleep very well either.

I found out on friday that I hadn't been successful in the ballot for a place in the London Marathon.  I'm now just fearful that I'll stop running and get fat, so am looking for another race to run.

I just wondered with all this fear kicking around inside me what that means?  At the moment the world is panicing about credit crunches, house prices, rising cost of living and I feel myself dragged into that panic as well.  Today I got notifiacation of how much our electricity and gas prices will be going up (30% and 20%).

Is there an antidote to all this fear?  Does faith play a part in this? And if so how, other than just good old fashioned denial? Which doesn't seem to resonate with Jesus who took a realist appraoch when he guaranteed troubles and advised not to fret about tomorrow as today has enough worries, stresses and fears of its own? 

To quote another movie strapline if are natural condition is: 'be afraid...be very afraid' what helps you and gives you hope, strength, courage, will to go forward inspite of the fear we feel? 

Comments

[Toni]

Perfect love casts out fear.

An easy and traditional, slightly meaningless line that's often quoted. I *think* it means that knowing the perfect love of our Father in heaven is always toward us, means that whatever situation we find ourselves in, we know He is ultimately going to save the immortal US, and therefore need not fear what happens.

It's a truth we have to learn. Almost a year after our daughter was killed our son went out with some friends to the Oxford may celebrations. He was out all night and was supposed to let us know where he was in the morning. We got no call, and by late morning, were becoming frantic. His mobile was off, and we ended up calling the police, hospitals and everyone we could think of that he might have been with. Needless to say he was fine and just 'forgot' to call us.

With what happened to our daughter, I had 'unlearned' my instinctive trust that God would bring us through whatever situation we were in. It is taking time to restore.

[Toni]

BTW welcome back - hope you had a good time apart from the sting and the fear.

[Amy]

Paul,
Nice to have you "back" & blogging. Missed you.

Wow. Indeed, that jellyfish sting must have been so weird.

As Toni mentioned, "Perfect love casts out fear." Although I certainly can relate to your feelings, draw near to Father, keep the eyes of your heart on His love for you...everything is going to be ok. He has your back.

Blessings,
~Amy :)
http://amyiswalkinginthespirit.blogspot.com

[Kamsin]

I personally am I fan of denial. lol. No but seriously though, it really works!
I got into a completely pointless argument last year about whether or not fear was the opposite of faith. So in other words if you feel afraid then you just don't have enough faith in your life. I didn't completely buy this. I think maybe they go together. Perfect love doesn't magically banish all fear from our lives but maybe it does help give us a leg up so fear doesn't become an obstacle that stops us dead. I think it also helps to know that no matter how bad things get and even if our worst fears our realised God will be with us and we will come through whatever we face. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and all that.

[sonja]

ewww ... jellies ... hate 'em. You can't swim here in the Chesapeake bay in August without running into them. Wet sand on the burn always seemed to help.

Interesting post, Paul. Here in the States, we've been living in a culture of fear since 2001. The current administration has been using this to it's advantage to "sell" certain ideas which otherwise would never pass muster. We're supposed to be afraid of terrorists coming to kill us and maim us and take away our freedoms. Interestingly, our government is taking away the freedoms. But that's another story.

So, how do I deal with fear? I do use that oft bandied about verse ... perfect love casts out fear. But I use it in conjunction with the description of love that's given in Corinthians 13 ... what does love look like. And lately, too, there's been a quip going around that looks like this: Love in public is justice. Or something like that. So I have a rubric for how to know love when I see it in action, so that I know who is of God and Jesus when I hear them. Because we do have to be discerning and wise as serpents, but gentle as doves.

[Jeff Gill]

Coincidentally, my wife, who also suffers from SAD symptoms, wrote a very good answer to your question on to go with a photo she posted on Flickr this afternoon. The whole thing is worth reading, but here is the last paragraph:

I need to go out more into the weather and embrace life again. I haven't really been doing that for the last couple of weeks. I've been scared of those feelings of depression, like they'll jump on me and keep me down... though I don't know why I think laying low will help... depression knows where I live! Just because it is Autumn there is no need for me to stop doing the things that I've been doing through the spring and summer, so why are my windowsills empty?, why haven't I got pretties in jars?, why haven't I been grateful for something in so long? What's with this victim mentality, crouching down here saying "Oh, leave me alone, leave me alone, I don't want you depression, please go away!" Pathetic. It's time to get up.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/notcatherinezeta/2915054100/

[Jeff Gill]

I was just informed by my lovely and talented wife that the above photo is only viewable by her Flickr friends, so how about this by her instead: http://www.d-train.net/article/293/a-letter-to-my-september-self

[Duncan]

Paul, if you were worried about credit crunches on Saturday, how do you feel now? I had a decade in financial markets and can honestly say I no longer have any clue what's going to happen. I guess our churches are about to have a very different dialogue. If people are unemployed, stressed about finance, worrying over bills, will the desire to explore emerging church dissipate?

IFRS. Wasn't that where all the problems started? LOL

[Toni]

Duncan - if that's the case I hope it will push them to seek the real God and stop worrying about the philosophy of religious practice.

[Kate]

Paul-- I'm glad you had fun (despite the jellyfish incident) on your trip. I can honestly say I am the worst when it comes to fear and worrying about the future. I will lay awake at night and go over whatever it is that I'm worrying about over and over and over, trying to find the perfect solution-- most times praying doesn't even help, at least in the moment to help me fall asleep.
The greatest help for me about worrying and fear is Matt. 6:34-- "do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." That verse really helps me stay in the moment and focus on the things that I can deal with right now and plan out how to deal with the things in the future. I get overwhelmed easily, so focusing my energy into one day and one task makes life a bit more tolerable. And remembering that tomorrow will come, and whether I'm fretting about it or not, I will have one more day to focus my life and my energy on the things that really matter.
I hope life turns out alright and your fears diminish. I will be praying for you and everything you're going through, as well as your life in trying to deal with SAD. And good luck with that rash... that sounds miserable!

[Gabi]

Hi,
I’m Gabi. I hope you don’t mind me reading your blog. Please keep writing, you’re inspiring and blessing me more than you know through what He writes through you You are more than welcome to read/comment my blog anytime, I’d love to hear from you!
http://www.compelledbylove.wordpress.com