I am not a consumer - I am a human being!

The title of course is a spin on the line from the TV serious the prisoner: "I am not a number - I am a free man!"  But in a similar vein the Killers sing: "I got soul,  but I'm not a soldier." All of this is by way of setting the scene for a quote from Eugene Peterson on the longing within us to be a soul and not reduced to a consumer, a resource, a means to an end, a self or reduce others to that level of inhumanity...

"...in our current culture, "soul" has given way to "self" as the term of choice to designate who and what we are.  Self is the soul minus God. Self is what is left of the soul with all the transcendence and intimacy squeezed out, the self with little or no reference to God (transcendence) or others (intimacy)...

When "soul" and "self" are turned into adjectives in colloquial speech, the contrast becomes even clearer: "soulish" gives a sense of something inherent and relational, entering the depths, plumbing the underlying sources of motive and meaning, as in soul food, soul music, the soulful eyes of a spaniel, and, negatively "that poor lost soul;" "selfish," on the other hand, refers to self-absorbed, uncaring, and unrelational - a life that is all surface and image."

Setting the two words side by side triggers a realisation that a fundamental aspect of our identity is under assault every day. We live in a culture that has replaced soul with self. This reduction turns people into either problems or consumers. Insofar as we acquiesce in that replacement, we gradually but surely regress in our identity, for we end up thinking of ourselves and dealing with others in market place terms: everyone we meet is either a potential recruit to join our enterprise or a potential consumer for what we are selling; or we ourselves are the potential recruits and consumers. Neither we nor our friends have any dignity just as we are, only in terms of how we or they can be used."

pp 37-38 "Christ plays in ten thousand places" by Eugene Peterson

I read that and thought how much in my life is orientated around losing my soul, getting caught up in the shallowness of my self and a constant stream of wants that never satisfy and dissatisfactions that always make me feel like I am missing out. When I do get what I think my heart desires it turns out to be a shallow achievement, a brief second of respite before i realise that it is still not enough.

I live in my self with a constant reminder as to how I am not loved enough, nor slim enough (I've lost 1.5 stone this yr and i still cannot see past my love handles!) I am not happy enough, i feel that I'm in the wrong job that neither earns nor satisfies me enough and in my leisure time I am playing at that which i wished i was better at. I am not the great parent I wished I was and I am far too self centred to appreciate my wife for who she is - i demand for her to love me and accept me as I am and therefore ironically deny her the right to be loved and accepted as who she is.

My obsession with myself is shallow, narcissistic and draining of my surrounding circumstances and people who i want to make me happy on my terms. This is in contrast to the richness and depth of the life that God calls us to pursue, that Jesus asks me to follow and that he modelled - which is all about life giving not life taking, participating not consuming, living freely rather than living in fear - the price tag (in my consumer eyes) is the death of living for my self - i struggle with that cos i want to follow Jesus but on my terms, where he fits in with me rather than me orientate my life around him.

Jason talked yesterday about the richness of this life, the challenge of Jesus who will not allow me to consume him but instead offers that I be consumed by him instead - invaded from the inside so that all of my life is infiltrated with his life, his hope, his generosity, love so that i can serve others rather than consume them. My humanity gets restored, my soul gets restored - instead of living in world where i am never good enough i get to live in a world where there is more than enough to go around. I am being changed, finding my humanity so that i can restore the humanity of others, to treat people as souls rather than selves.

It is a process of continuing to find life - how quickly I lose myself in me again - or as Just Jack describes the western consumer life so aptly in his song lost, "to lose my way in the way I live"...

Picture this 2.30 on the hottest night in June
He awakes for no reason and checks his watch by the moon
And his mouth feels as dry as his eyes as he struggles to rise
And stops to contemplate his wife’s thighs as he does up his flies
He finds his slippers where he left them under the chair behind the 2 cups and an old copy of Marie Claire
He switches on the coffee machine that of course works like a dream
catches sight of his reflection in the silver surface sheen
And It’s a face he knows well although it should look less abused
With all these moisturisers and the skin products he’s used
As he moves through the kitchen, his homage to brushed steel
Across the new pine flooring that’s plastic but looks real
Past the plasma with the wide screen and the cinema surround sound
And he stops on his favourite spot by the window and looks down
On the orange lit street at the edge of the private car park
Where his Audi TT is waiting safely in the dark

Keeping it all inside of you
Something will have to give
And if you could you’ll take it back
But you lose your way in the way you live

Now he can hear wind chimes tinkling out on the balcony
And his phone beeping out a text message in the same key
He checks it and it’s Jill who used to be his secretary
Before they started an affair and things began to get really scary
Now his wife Mary is getting weary of his lies
Like she’s read the whole sordid story in his eyes
It doesn’t help that Jill’s now saying that she’s 2 weeks late
His mental state is really starting to deteriorate

He never knew how he got so out of his depth
Or why he’s broken more than all these promises kept
And it’s been ages since he slept
Properly, his sleeps now broken by these dreams of extra-marital activity
Trying to recapture the rapture that he used to get from his material possessions
And endless retail therapy sessions
Should listened to what his dad said before he died
The best things in life are the ones you can’t buy son

Keeping it all inside of you
Something will have to give
Wish you could buy a ticket back
But you lose your way in the way you live

He used to feel so safe up here in his shrine to Ikea
Away from the shouts and the louts and the girls with the over-painted pouts
And the queers and the Dyke's and the kids in their box-fresh Nike's
Delivering rocks to the house across the street on rusty mountain bikes

Aha aha
Aha aha aha"

I wonder how you face your self and find your soul? How we as a community of people plagued by this problem of objectivity/consumerism can rediscover and practise humanity together - in the way that Jesus Christ revealed true humanity to be...

Comments

[Laura Anne]

this is a great post Paul!

It's so true, and it seems to go in my mind completely against so much of the NT. Like Romans 12:2 for example...

so much of the stuff that's not of God gets into society, and the more it's seen as 'cool' or 'normal' the more and more it seems to seep into our lives, our faith...usually in the name of 'being relevant' amongst other reasons we give...

[Jonathan Brink]

You opened my eyes a little bit more today my friend.

[fernando]

Peterson is right that out self is under threat. There's a lot of pressure to conform, consume, remake ourselves and dress-up (pretend and pretence). However, He's wrong that the self comes only from within - our identity is a social construct, so we are who we are because of the contexts we are in.

Which raises the question of community (something I've been pondering a lot lately). Shouldn't community really be about having places where our self is not constantly under threat; where we do not have to constantly prove ourselves? Perhaps this si the big challenge for churches where the self is constantly bombarded with messages to confirm our righteousness, doctrinal soundness or annointedness?

It's not just about love and affirmation (although those would be nice from time to time), but also about trust, patience hospitality.

[Paul]

Thanks Laura, i find it so hard cos even if you take the christian life then all I seem to do is trade in my comparisons, how little i pray, how little i read the bible, how unholy i am - all the time comparing myself and coming off second best. I guess Just Jack could rewrite the song and talk about bookshelves lined with different versions of the bible and notes for prayers never said... ;)

[Paul]

thanks Jonathan, it's a pleasure to return the favour... :)

[Paul]

Thanks F, that is a great point, how much of our identity is constructed from without?

I kinda feel that a lot of that social construct at the moment in my context reinforces the message that it is all about self that is important, having it my way if i have the money to spend to get it, living the highlife is living the iLife...

I was listening to the Gods of businsess podcast at speaking of faith radio and the guy they were interviewing who works for UBS was saying that part of the problem with business ethics these days is that there is no communal ethic, no pressure on the outside as we are a transient community with no roots to bind us in - consequently the only pressure on us to do business (or anything else in our lives) ethically is that which comes from within. If i am orientated around myself and getting ahead in my life than perhaps the easiest thing to do is to cut a few corners, stab a few people in the back, reduce people to rivals to be removed or allies to consume.

Or more like me, work is just a job that provides me with the money to live the iLife - i let work consume me, so that i can get the resource to do what i want - work becomes a dead space, a blank in my life, leaves me living for the eveniings and weekends.

So i guess i am a little wary of church buying into the same ethos which says its about me being me, cos that sounds very little different to the market place - but on the other hand i don't want church which treats me as a resource or encourages me to view people in that same way - as statistics, or a means to grow the kingdom etc...

I think church has to be a space where my self is challenged, where i can get a kick of the backside and i do things for others not for the sake of the job but cos that brings inconvenience into my life and helps me work and play with people. I appreciate that i can be honest with people about how self obsessed i am and that they can be gentle in reminding me that i am not the centre of the universe and that in turn they can invite me to care for them, learn how to give rather than just take all the time...

Hmmm that sounded a bit ranting, give me a reality check please, what do you think?

[fernando]

Rant? No. But, I think we might be having a creative and purposeful disagreement.

I recall towards the end of my time in India, chatting to a visiting preacher who felt it was his calling to "shake people up" who were complacent (as he imagined it) in their faith. Truth be told, I found his sermon borderline abusive, largely because for anyone trying to be an intentional Christian in India (and that little ex-pat church had a good share of people in that boat), ordinary life doesn't just shake you up, it often beats you up.

There's surely a tension at work here because, as you point out, life can often become self-obsessed and solipsistic (me begets me). On the other hand, when we genuinely engage with the world in faithful ways, that can be draining and it's times like that we do need sanctuary.

I"m as loathe to endorse country club Christianity as anyone. However, i do feel that if we are to encourage people to stay still for long enough to grow roots and let those roots feed an ethical sense, then we need to make community "grippy." Doing that must demand acceptance.

The way it looks to me there is a real cross-contextual dilemma here. Our churches can sometimes do such a good job of being "open" that we demand very little of people who worship with us. But, in the same move we manage to make it very hard for people to feel like they really belong.

Now I'm ranting...

[Paul]

Thanks F, yes i think you are right about making community grippy and part of that has to be acceptance - if we cannot be honest about who we are and where then why bother?

It's tricky cos I can often collapse my faith in my and Jesus, it is a lot harder to practice faith with other people around that offer challenge as well as acceptance - maybe that is where confession comes into play, we here each other not to judge but to pass on love, encouragement and support?

Maybe we need the environment of the AA meeting - where we are open, honest but also know that people are watching out for us and confronting us because they want to help us and also want to be confronted by us in return - that kind of honesty, grip and challenge?

What do you think?