The journey of constructive deconstruction and reconstruction: why we see the same things differently (part 2)

Why would anyone want to deconstruct anything when the process can be so uncomfortable? Why is that we find it so hard as christians to agree on the same views? Why is it that when we look at the church some of us see everywhere the faults and failings that make us doubt and question and yet others can see exactly the same and see strengths and benefits?

This is part 2 of a 3 part sage that I am doing to help explore the proces of decontruction/reconstruction and how we can engage in it together as healthy and constructive processPart 1 sets out some of the background to this, seeing a journey of deconstruction and reconstruction aspart of healthy cycle of faith. Part 3 makes some suggestions about how to deconstruct and reconstruct within healthy community relations.

Learning best outside our comfort zone

We really start to learn once we enter a space of cognitive dissonance, where what we believed starts to conflict with what we are finding [otherwise known as stepping out of our comfort zone or in Matrix speak falling down the rabbit hole] - we can either chose to remove the tension by keeping our orginal belief or pushing through it until we find a way of solving the problem.

It is one of the reasons that something like a short term mission is so powerful. We become like Alice down the rabbit hole or Neo coming into the world outside the Matrix: we go to some place where we don't know the cultural rules with a group of people we often don't know well and have to do things we may not feel so qualified to do - and precisely becaues of all the questions that we find ourselves asking/being confronted by [why is my faith not like these people? why am i so dependent on material possesions? where is God? etc etc] we learn/grow like topsy.

The challenge of course is coming back and finding ourselves snapping back to our previous ways of being rather than continuing in the new.

Lock in/lock out

Ever had the phenomon of buying a car and then suddenly noticing that everyone seemed to be driving one or buying a dress and seeing so many other people wearing it as well? Well that's because the part of our brain [the reticular activating system] that alerts our conscious mind to what is important or urgent to us has been triggered thus drawing it to your attention when you see that car or dress where before it was not important to you and not noticed [how is your right foot btw? were you aware of it before i mentioned it and drew it to your conscious attention?].

What has that got to do with deconstruction/reconstruction - well mainly it means that what is important to us is what we lock into [in a proces called lock in/lock out] and therefore when we look at the world around us what we see will reinforce what we believe. If we're struggling with a particular aspects of our faith we will lock onto evidence that supports this without even thinking about it.

Sceptical, ok what do you see in the image below?

An amorous couple or 9 dolphins? No for a long time i couldn't see dolphins either :). However if you have a young child around that's what they will see (or mermaids in my son's case) because they have not been exposed to such images before i.e. they lock in on the dolphins as they recognise them but we lock in on the couple - both images are there but we have locked one out and can only see one...

By locking in we therefore have blindspots which we struggle to see - we might see one or two dolphins when we are told they are there but still struggle to find all of them. If what we focus on determines what we miss then we could potentially be missing out on a lot. That is a humbling thought that makes the process for me less about my view is right and your view is wrong to one where we have different perspectives on the same picture.

Knowing that challenges me in 2 ways:

1. it reminds me again that critique/challenge is vital, that generousity and humility are crucial and that ultimately it is about whether it helps us be good rather than just right; and
2. it suggests that there is a lot of benefit in making this journey in a community of different voices, that i will naturally lock on to those who reinforce what i see and struggle to hear those who seem to see something different. Can by opening myself up to doing this processs in a community help me grow in character [love/patience/kindness for those who see things differently] and can i [to paraphrase St Paul] also rejoice with those who are reconstructing and understand the tension of those deconstructing?

What do you think of these 2 challenges from your own experience? What others have you experienced?

Comments

[Kamsin]

I probably should've read this post before I commented on the last one!

Anyway, having lived and now working cross culturally I constantly see conflicts between two opposing viewpoints. On the trivial level I was arguing the other day about the saltiness of Walkers Ready Salted crisps. The students said the crisps were too salty and crisps in Japan were much better, which is so not true! Later on I had a conversation about the fact I was videoing the graveyard as we walked past a very pretty old church. The Japanese are very superstitious about death and he said it was unbelievable to a Japanese person to take photos or walk amongst the gravestones. I realised my Japanese isn't up to explaining that I think a person's soul is elsewhere, so he probably went away thinking it was odd and not really understanding. There are far more serious issues too about leadership styles and expectations which I experienced in my church in Japan and which also come up in my workplace.

Anyway, I think understanding and learning more about other people's viewpoint is vitally important. Also learning that some things are just different and it's not always a case of what is better, I think most of us naturally view our own way of doing things as superior. I may have been gifted with an ability to see both point of view which is maybe why I am called to cross cultural work. I was able to see both the couple and the dolphins quite easily in the image above. But I think it's something you can learn to do as well and something I've grown in having lived abroad. I do however think it can make me kind of indecisive and unable to commit to one point of view or another in some circumstances. I also think other people find it kind of annoying when someone is constantly trying to explain the opposing point of view.

But anyway, it may well be human nature to gravitate towards people who are like you. It's easier, you feel affirmed in who you are and you can relate and share in a way you can't with people who are very different from you. But if we really want to see God's Kingdom here on earth maybe it's important to learn to respond positively to difference rather than in fear, criticism and hatred. When I left Japan I was learning to see the positive things about the top down leadership style in the church which had driven me mad the whole time I was there but being back here I appreciate the way we do things again.

I'm not sure I've really answered your question. But I guess one challenge is learning to see difference not as a threat and make value judgments on people who are different. Another is finding a balance between affirming who you are and how you view the world and act within it and other people's need to do the same.

[Paul]

Thanks Kamsin, great thoughts - your cross cultural insights really highlight something of what i am trying to articulate [too salty heh!]

If church is for an example a place of grace where we are meant to try living out life with some people who rub us up the wrong way the whole time we bascially have a wonderful opportunity to practice love, patience, kindness, self control etc. if we're in our comfort zone with people like us then we never need to really practice these things - yet so often i find myself avoiding the people [or criticising them] who could help make me grow the most because i don't want to step out of my comfort zone...